Saturday, November 23, 2019

Life being a vet

Took me so long to pen this down, a little trigger and I decided to do it. Life being a vet is just so tough. Tougher than what I expected to be.
It’s really not just airy and fairy.
It’s tough dealing with sick and dying patients, sometimes two or three within a week, the ones you and their owner tried so hard to save them even though you know the prognosis wasn’t good
It’s tough to deal with frustrated owner whose expectations are their pet would get miraculously better once they are at the vet and the vet gives them some injection (regardless their problems)
It’s tough to deal with owners who expect you to know what is wrong with one look at the pet and no further diagnostic.

It’s also tough dealing with this perfectionist mindset of mine in this profession. I know mistakes are part and parcel of life. I just cannot accept the number of mistakes I’ve made so far into my career. Some plain stupid where I kick myself hard after making it. Others probably not too much of an error on my side, but I still kick myself hard enough.

It’s also tough dealing with people to people relationship at work. Though I’m glad this has gotten better. But many times I calm myself down and reminded myself to be kind. I truly hope people won’t take this kindness for granted.

I’m only less than 1 year out but I’m tired.
Tired about constantly worried about patients I see day to day.
Tired about constantly try to reach clients’ expectation of us being superhero.
Tired about trying to manage work relationship
Tired about trying to be a perfectionist.

There’s possibly a reason why I the first thing I said to aspiring vet-students is don’t be a vet. Well unless you have a very strong mental capability and enduarance, supportive family, friends and colleagues. And hopefully a good share of nice clients.

Wednesday, May 15, 2019

Getting away was good even though it wasn’t planned. Once I touched down, I missed you again. It’s been a week since I sent you off. I still don’t know if it was the right decision. As a vet, we always give recommendations and assure owners that the decision is right. I didn’t expect that such an assurance would mean so much. I kept wondering what would’ve happen if I didn’t make the choice to euthanise you that day. Would you’ve recovered? Or would you have suffered even more?
I wanted to be optimistic that you would recover... but I couldn’t bear to put you through anymore suffering. I hope you don’t hate me for doing so...

Thursday, February 7, 2019

Major regret

Woke up this morning.
Sudden big regret that almost made me tear
It’s a sudden realization that I’ve missed out so much in life over the past 2-3 months.
Christmas. New Year. Chinese New Year. Graduation.
Just for a job which I didn’t end up enjoy doing thoroughly.

It’s impossible to turn back time.
But if I could... I would have listened.
I would have listened to my parents...
Im usually not a mama/papa girl. But today I wished I actually was and listened to them months ago.
I guess this will just remain as my biggest regret in life.
Hopefully my Lao Tian Ye would open up the path to happiness for me

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

I couldn't hold it in and shed my tears today.
So many instances I felt like crying but didn't. Today. I. Did.
Cheers. Heres to a milestone

Monday, January 28, 2019

내가 얼마나 도망 가고 싶은지 아무도 모르겠다
But I keep telling myself.. I will do better. Quitting without trying is not my style.